Discovering my New Role
I'm going to be an Auntie!!!
After 4.5 years of studying as an aspiring midwife I am finally taking on the role of primary midwife for my wonderful midwifery clients here in Bozeman and the Gallatin Valley. During those 4.5 years I have been to over 40 births in the roles as a mother, a birth doula, a birth photographer, a midwifery assistant, a humbled observer, a friend, and a cherished support member. However, in late December or early January, I have the honor of attending a birth in a totally new role. I have been asked to attend the birth of my first niece/nephew in Florida. This role of "Aunite doula" is so exciting and filled with so many mixed emotions.
The first emotion that floods my heart is joy. I get to witness this tiny little miracle and then build this special bond for the rest of their little life. The next burden (in a good way) that weighs on my heart is one of deep responsibility. For years I have been helping women take information into their world's to create an empowering birth experience. With my sister, I feel a great responsibility to not leave one single detail out. So on top of our normal conversations..... every day my poor sister is having to sit and listen to my birth geek brain spill all of my passion into her listening ears. I don't want to miss a thing, and I need her to know that she can do this! Her body was made for this, and most of all that I believe in her. The little details of birth and labor just don't seem sufficient to accomplish this task of grandeur. On top of all these emotions, I am feeling a bit of a surprising twist. I am feeling very awkward and out of place as her doula.
I keep having these urges, to guide her in the way of a midwife, quieted because I cannot cross the line of doula. I am finding deep regard and honor for her midwife. I am taking a step away from the medical world and back into the emotional, physical, and informational support world. I have been given the role of a doula in this spectacular birth process, but my heart is screaming, "Do more!!!" When you are called to be a midwife in your deepest heart of hearts, it is really hard to take on another role. I had no idea that this passion that is seeded in my heart had grown so much in the last few years. These feelings of not being good enough are creeping into my mind. I am walking down this enlightening path that in the birth space, you have to take on the role that the mother needs. You may be a photographer, you may be a doula, you may be a midwife, or you may be a friend...... and in each of these roles, you matter! You play a huge part on an irreplaceable birth team. Each piece of a birth team fits together like a machine. The machine, as a whole, could not work if one of the parts was not fulfilling its full potential and fulfilling it well. Each part is needed in order for the job to be accomplished.
As with every birth I have ever attended or will ever attend, I am learning something new about birth and something new about myself. My new role is amazing and I am holding onto these lessons like precious gemstones. I feel my heart wrapping around each one as I glean every bit of joy out of this pregnancy journey. I am overjoyed as a sister, completely overcome as an Auntie, and gracefully discovering the massive honor as my newest role as an "Auntie Doula".
Congratulations Alexis and Luis! I couldn't be more proud of you. And, baby raspberry, I couldn't love you any more! I can't wait to meet you!