There's never enough time
As a birth doula and an aspiring midwife, I have come to the realization that there is never enough time. Throughout my left I'm left feeling this way when fun finds me, when love is abounding, and when birth is imminent. This resounding concept is not always a bad thing in the birth world.
Throughout the journey with most of my clients, I feel this way. Once a precious baby has entered this world, there is never enough time to hold them. Once our postpartum journey is over, I don't get to see them often… there just wasn't enough time. The spectacular hours that I get to spend with other amazing women in the birth space lights up my heart. It always feels like there was never enough time to take in all of the love and passion.
When it comes to family time, I often find myself having to excuse myself for a birth. Often times, as I walk away from my beloveds, I say to myself, "I just want a little more time". And when it comes to my sweet baby girl, I am continually discovering her abundant amounts of grace and understanding as her mother becomes a midwife.
Every time I come home from a meeting, my mommy time, or another spectacular birth, she asks me, "How's the new baby, Mommy?" She asked me this question with light in her heart. She knows that even though I have to say goodbye often, that I am going to help another Mama bring a baby into this world. Her precious little voices is never condemning. She supports my passion and my calling without question. At the young age of 2.5, her unwavering support speaks directly to my heart. This journey of support, letting go, and deep understanding is not easy. It is one of the highest callings of the children that are born to birth workers. Sometimes these incredible children just need their mom. One of my favorite days of the week are my "mommy days". Today, Zoey started or mommy day at 2 AM. I woke up to this precious little peanut curled up next to me in bed. As I am on this beautiful path to becoming a midwife, I realize that birth is my calling and one of the many joys in my life.. I am also realizing that being a mom is the best job I could ever have. So this morning, as I watch my sweet baby girl sleep, I take in this moment. I savor this moment. I know that there will never be enough time in my heart for forever, but there is enough time for now.
As I dive deeper into midwifery and the world of birth, I am realizing more and more that time is incredibly precious. In my heart, it always feels like there's not enough time, but that's never the reality. There's only the present. There will be another precious moment to behold in the next few minutes, the next few days, or the next few months. Life is just a journey and all I need to be doing is living in my moment and loving the journey... every single step of it.